Senior snack integrity officer
Chippy
One bite approved. The rest remains under review.
Inspection ladder
Chippy begins where most quality systems end: with the corner already inside his mouth. Each shift escalates calmly; bite patterns count as documentation.
- Ticker
$CHIPPY, filed before lunch.
- Arrival
Appears when the bag makes one small sound.
- Method
Holds the largest chip until evidence becomes crumbs.
- Finding
Salt acceptable. Structural confidence remains extremely low.
- Break
Scheduled immediately after the previous break.
Standing finding
If the chip survives Chippy, it may enter the bowl.
The night shift
At closing time, Chippy walks the silent aisle beside the conveyor. He samples the oversized pieces first, because ordinary chips have ordinary problems. A half-lidded stare means the salt passed. A tighter bite means the crunch requires another hearing. By dawn, the bowl is lighter, the paperwork is untouched, and one perfect chip is still being personally detained until the morning bag rustles again.
House rules
Inspect the largest
Small chips cannot support a serious conclusion.
Keep one corner
Evidence is easier to recognize with teeth marks.
Pause before crunching
Professional silence makes the verdict feel expensive.
Leave no crumbs
They attract junior inspectors and unnecessary meetings.
Respect the bag
It announces visitors before management can prepare.
Chippy
Approved enough for the snack cabinet.